


One, two, three, four, five (Paper Stars)

by crassjellyfish



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Finale, this is just projection tbqh, very minor eiffel/jacobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27399700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crassjellyfish/pseuds/crassjellyfish
Summary: Doug struggles with readjusting to Earth whilst not knowing anyone, himself included.
Relationships: Doug Eiffel/Daniel Jacobi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	One, two, three, four, five (Paper Stars)

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! this is basically stream of consciousness, so it might be a bit all over the place. no gods no kings no betas we die like men. it's basically a projection piece, because paper stars are easy to make and it's a very simple repetitive task to keep your hands busy when you feel destructive or overwhelmed.

_One, two, three, four, five._ Turn. _One, two three._ Tuck. Pinch.

Memory is an odd thing. The encoding, storage, and retrieval of information, no matter how important. 

Missing memories are even weirder. The feeling that you should know something, that it’s just on the tip of your tongue, that _wait, you’ve been here before._ It’s a strange sensation. 

_One, two three four._ Turn. _One, two, three._ Tuck. Pinch.

Getting back to Earth was a miracle, really. Everything they had been through notwithstanding, the fact that the USS Urania was allowed to land with four passengers who were supposed to be dead was mind boggling. Really, they should’ve been shot out of the sky. Instead, they were given clearance to land, and a visit by some very important space people when they did. 

After the initial story, the officials didn’t bother Doug much. He didn’t know anything, so there was no reason to.

Tear. _Fold, one, two, three, four, five, six._ Turn. _One, two, three._ Tuck. Pinch.

He had been in the hospital for a few months now. It was mid-November, he thought. That’s what all the ads for the bad daytime TV he watched said. There was a lot to do, apparently, when someone had been in space for over two years. First, there were lots of tests to run. Doug couldn’t go an hour without being poked, pricked, or prodded for some kind of test. Then, there was the physical therapy. Apparently, living in 0g for over two years is “bad for your health” and “can pose a serious safety hazard.” All of them had these issues. Jacobi’s heart damn near gave out on him the first week back, when he thought he’d be fine taking the stairs down to the cafeteria on his own. Lovelace, whose body had never technically experienced Earth’s gravity before, was bedridden for weeks before she could even walk. She was _pissed._ All of this was before they even got to the memory issues. 

The doctor’s were baffled, said they’d never seen a case of amnesia this thorough, this permanent. Hera explained what had happened to him, and to Miranda. They had uploaded her to some sort of hard drive? He didn’t really get it. But she explained everything, and it seemed pretty cut and dry to him. Douglass Eiffel 1.0 was gone. Erased, deleted, dust into the wind. And he was left there instead. Douglass Eiffel 2.0, new, very much unimproved, and subjected to memory tests he was never going to pass.

 _One, two, three._ Tuck. Pinch. Tear. _Fold, one, two, three, four…_

Doug didn’t know his crew well. He had known them for less than a year, only since he had woken up on the Urania. But he knew when he was missing things. He knew when Minkowski came to visit him, she was looking for someone who didn’t exist anymore. Sometimes, she would make a reference, clearly hoping it would jog something in his broken head. He knew it wouldn’t, but he always smiled anyways. She brought him a phone on one of her visits, a way to stay in contact. He was grateful. Renee and Isabell worked to put some program on it so he could talk to Hera. He may not remember what they used to be, but Doug knew that he loved her. He could hear it in her voice, and felt the pull in his chest when she made fun of him. 

Jacobi visited him a lot. It started out as him just stopping by on his way back from physical therapy, a quick pop in from a somewhat familiar face. He would usually insult him a bit, and Doug would get a jab or two back, and then it’d go silent and awkward. But after a while, it became more fluid. Daniel would stop in, bring something for them to eat, and they’d talk about the week. The stupid things Doug had done in the hospital to worry the nurses, whatever new fireworks Jacobi had gotten his hands on. They’d watch the shitty hospital TV sometimes. They had gotten in some pretty heated arguments over whether the plaintiff or defendant was in the wrong on Judge Judy. 

_One, two, three, four, five._ Turn. _One, two three._ Tuck. Pinch. Flatten, repinch. 

He doesn’t know how he remembers to make stars. He figures it’s the same reason he knows how to talk, how a remote works, how to ride a bike. At some point, muscle memory takes over, and he figures that part of his brain is mostly intact. It was a nurse who gave him the paper originally, when she saw him getting overwhelmed. She suggested he make something, keep his hands busy so he stopped picking at his fingers. 

So he did. He messed up the first few, folding them the wrong way, getting the wrong shape. But after three or four, instinct kicked in and he started making them faster and faster. He washed out a soda bottle, just something to keep the little colorful stars in. That was three weeks ago. Now, fifteen-ish glass bottles sat around his dim hospital room, full of colorful little stars of varying sizes and designs. Jacobi started bringing him paper after he saw him ripping up napkins to fold. Doug filled a full jar with stars made from paper with firework designs on it for him. Daniel’s smile made it worth the super deep papercut on his index finger, all bright and mischievous. 

_One, two, three._ Tuck, pinch. Tear. Last piece.

Today was his last day in the hospital, or so he was told. Isabell was letting him stay with her. She had to stay near the hospital so they could run alien tests sometimes, and they required he stay close too. So it worked. Daniel lived in the same building, not seeing a need in being further than necessary. They were coming to pick him up together, he was pretty sure. 

Doug folded the last piece of paper into a star. Nearly perfect, just a bit longer on one side, but good enough. He grabbed the box full of bottles, clothes, and the other things he had amassed over his time in the hospital and walked to the nurses station. After he finished signing his discharge papers, he gave the nurse the last star. 

Walking out of the hospital was a weird feeling. The cold air bit, but it wasn’t cold enough to bother him into going inside. As Jacobi and Lovelace pulled up to the door, he felt like he was able to breathe for the first time in months. Maybe things would be okay, maybe they wouldn’t. But he was with people who trusted him, and who he had learned to trust. He’s survived worse, and he’ll survive this.

**Author's Note:**

> and that's that! i hope yall liked it, please feel free to let me know what you thought! come talk wolf 359 with me on tumblr @crassjellyfish!
> 
> also! this was inspired (super vaguely) by @niick 's "Earth Below Us (Drifting, Falling)" ! vague in that i did not read it until after i wrote this, i just saw the first half of the summary and immediately needed to write this! please check it out, it's a lovely fic!!


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